Let me tell you about the worst dare I ever did. It was a typical Friday after noon and me and my buds Frank and Gus were hanging out in the woods after school. And as always, Frank was looking for entertainment and he was willing to pay for it.
“You’re not really going to eat that, are you?” Gus stared up at me through his huge glasses. His wide eyes magnified by the lens looked almost cartoonish. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face, even though in my right hand I held the two squirming worms that were soon to be my lunch if I followed through with Frank’s dare. Of course I was going to follow through. Gus’s expression paled and he looked like he was going to barf. Man, he was such a wuss sometimes.
Frank cleared his throat and narrowed his moody eyes at me half expecting me to back out so he could tell everyone at school that little Benny boy was too chicken to follow through with a dare. Well, Frank today isn’t your lucky day, I thought. Not like it’s mine either.
I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes and said “you know, more protein means more muscle, anyway.” With that, I lifted my right hand, tilted my head back, opened my mouth wide and dropped the wriggling worms into my mouth. They hit my tongue with a warm slop and started squirming against my teeth. The taste of dirt and fleshy bits quickly filled my senses. Gus let out a gasp and Frank bust into a laughing fit. It took everything I had not to gag. I had to remain cool. I was Benny the badass. Benny, the crazy bastard that never turned down a dare. I hastily grabbed my water bottle, poured it’s contents into my mouth and swished it back and forth. The worms were now swimming in a whirlpool. I quickly gulped down the mixture and felt their squishy bodies rub the walls of my throat on the way down. Man that was disgusting I thought, but I didn’t show it.
“Aaahh…” I said theatrically… “No big deal..Now pay up Frank” I stuck my hand out. Frank was still laughing “Man you are one crazy son of a bitch” he said while digging into the pocket of his jeans. He pulled out two wrinkled twenties and slapped them into my outstretched hand. “Pleasure doing business” I said, stuffing my earnings into my own pocket. Gus just gaped at us like we were some kind of neanderthals. I mean most of the time, we were.
Okay so I admit, THAT wasn’t the worst dare. I just wanted to share this story for fun. The WORST dare happened later that night.
After dinner, Me, Frank and Gus met up again at our usual hangout in the woods. Nightfall was looming in and we did normal stuff for fun like build a fire, burn shit, crack jokes, build forts, just guy stuff like that. The fire was starting to die out and me and Frank were building a small canopy just for the hell of it.
“Hey Gus, can you get some more sticks for the fire.” I yelled over to him. He nodded and headed deeper into the trees. A few minutes later he yelled “Guys! Check this out” Frank and I went jogging in his direction until we met up with him and the sight of something really weird. There, in the middle of the woods, was a freaking ice cream truck. “What the hell… How the...” my voice trailed off as Frank whooped and ran towards it. Gus shook his head and said “I don’t know guys” Frank laughed as he ran a circle around the large white & decorated anomaly that was nestled between a cluster pine trees like it belonged there. “How the hell did this even get here?” I wondered out loud. We hung out in this part of the woods all the time and never saw this truck here. It’s shiny white paint was sprinkled with, well, sprinkles. The colorful blobs were all over the truck. There was a square serving window cutout on the side of the truck but the roll down metal shade was closed so you couldn’t see inside. The top of the truck had a large decorative vanilla ice cream cone. It had a cherry and was drizzled with what I assumed to be strawberry syrup. From this distance the truck looked fairly new and I didn’t see anyone through the window in the front seat.
“Frank come on!, don’t you know this is how kids get kidnapped, get away from the truck” Gus yelled, his voice cracking a little.
Frank jogged back to us and said “what’re you scared of a widdle ice cream truck, Gussy poo” Frank widened his eyes mocking Gus’s expression. He laughed and patted Gus’s back “There’s no one in there. It’s all good man.”
“But how the hell did it get here?” I interrupted.
“There’s only one way to find out” Frank answered “Get in there and dig for some clues.”
“Hell no” Gus chimed in.
I shook my head, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea man, what if it’s some kind of a trap?”
“Yea!” Gus piped up “Haven’t you seen that movie with the killer clowns? They had an ice cream truck and killed people.”
“Do you believe everything in movies?” Frank raised his eyebrows and then turned his face towards me and narrowed his freakin eyes at me for the second time today.
“Oh hell no” I replied.
“What’s a matter Benny Boy, you too scared?” He sneered at me.
I rolled my eyes and looked ahead at the ice cream cone fixated on the truck.
“Not even for a hundred bucks?” Frank said in a sing-song voice.
“Dude, where do you even get all this money?” I exclaimed.
He shrugged. “Ever since my parents divorced, I get two allowances.”
“I don’t think you should do it, Benny.” Gus interrupted again, already foreseeing my bad habit of not being able to say no to a dare.
Ignoring Gus’s plea I nodded at Frank, “Fine.” Frank’s smile spread mischievously across his face and he rubbed his hands together like an animated villain. What the frick is wrong with me? I thought to myself as I strolled towards the beckoning ice cream truck. Frank and Gus stayed planted in their spots as they watched my approach. As I got closer I could make out the pictures that made up the menu around the serving window. There were an assortment of frozen treats with weird shapes and colorful sauces dripping from the peaks of them. Under each picture was the name of the treat and a price. The names were people names like Chuck, Hannah, Gary, Mona and the list went on. Prices ranged from three to ten dollars. I mean, it seemed like your average ice cream truck but still… something about the menu gave me the creeps. Maybe the door will be locked and I can back out, I thought with relief. I walked over to the side door and tried the handle. The door slid open without hesitation. “Dammit” I muttered. I looked back over my shoulder at the guys who were just staring back at me with apprehension. Why do I always have to be the brave one? I took a deep shaky breath and stepped inside.
It took my eyes a second to adjust to the darkness that engulfed the cab. I stepped into the back of the truck and was suddenly met nose to nose with a big red nose! A clown? A freaking clown!? My eyes bugged out and I instantly couldn’t move. This painted faced monster had massive red lips with long yellowed and crusty fangs that dripped with a sour smelling mixture of blood and rotten meat. I managed to gag and I swear I felt the remnants of the worms I digested earlier creep up into my throat. The clown’s dark red nose was round and crinkled. It’s eyes were dark pools of sludge that glowed with menacing excitement. The clown’s smile widened and a sliver of a meaty substance dripped off one of his teeth and fell to the floor. Before I could force out the scream that was lodged in my stomach and buried under the remnants this afternoon’s worms, the clown lifted a gloved hand that held a canister and it squeezed the trigger releasing a green fog. The cool mist hit my face and I fell to the floor, unconscious.
“Yo, Benny… anything in there?” Frank yelled. Gus looked up at him nervously and took a half step towards the truck. At that moment, the ice cream truck revved up, the wheels cut to the right, and the truck went barreling towards them! The guys dove out of the way just in time and watched as the big truck narrowly missed their dim campfire but plummeted through their makeshift canopy. The sticks and leaves stuck out between the crevices on the giant ice cream cone as it drove off through the dark woods collecting more debris in it’s wake... It carried their friend off into the darkness.
Frank & Gus never visited the woods again and Benny was never found.
Months later, in another town about 300 miles away, an icecream truck chimed it’s enticing melody. It slowed to a stop in front of eager children proudly waving their five dollar bills. A sweet little girl with rosey cheeks approached the truck with unwavering joy. She scanned the menu and promptly made her decision. She put her chin up and proclaimed, “I’ll have a Benny ice cream please!”